Call the men with the white jackets
Ok, I'm gonna admit it. I think I'm about to crack. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I'm nervous. I'm pissed off. All of this to the point where I am unable to really focus and be productive with much of anything. These past 2 years have been a rough whirlwind and the end is in sight now. I've hit the wall. And I'm not sure how to get myself motivated, focused and reassured; I just know I have no option. The sooner the better.
I'm tired: of studying, writing, hoop jumping, worrying about numerous things, sleeping 5 hrs or less most days, of Argosy U, of attitudes, of selfishness, of not having time for family, friends and things much more important than any of this ever really will be
I'm overwhelmed: with studying, the kids, national boards, the house, wondering where I'm getting the $$ to take national boards, kids' extra-curricular activites, applications, school projects
I'm nervous: about passing boards, and what happens if I don't pass, wondering how I'm surviving the next 12 weeks, about being able to land a job; am I even competent enough to do it?
I'm pissed off: for doubting myself, at those of you that make yourselves unavailable when you're needed most, at the weather (MN..WHAT was I thinking??), at the fact that I can't have a pan of brownies and cry with Karin until I feel better...
Oddly, amongst this, I had the MOST fantastic day in clinic: I scored 93% on my radiographs and completed a moderately hard patient in 80 mins with no errors. Even my instructor tried to sway me from having a final today. I KNEW, for the first time in all my time there, that I had rocked it. Never had I been so sure. Even she was surprised that I got it done; and even more so when I got a 100% on the prophy (teeth cleaning). The high was short lived, but I was truly thrilled. I know you don't know what any of that means, but trust me, it is pretty cool.
What to do.. I know I need to have a big cry and let the pressure off the cooker, buck up, put on my big girl panties and just deal. But for whatever reason, I'm not allowing that. Maybe just venting here a bit will help...some.
I didn't come here for pity; I came here to sort my thoughts.
I'm tired: of studying, writing, hoop jumping, worrying about numerous things, sleeping 5 hrs or less most days, of Argosy U, of attitudes, of selfishness, of not having time for family, friends and things much more important than any of this ever really will be
I'm overwhelmed: with studying, the kids, national boards, the house, wondering where I'm getting the $$ to take national boards, kids' extra-curricular activites, applications, school projects
I'm nervous: about passing boards, and what happens if I don't pass, wondering how I'm surviving the next 12 weeks, about being able to land a job; am I even competent enough to do it?
I'm pissed off: for doubting myself, at those of you that make yourselves unavailable when you're needed most, at the weather (MN..WHAT was I thinking??), at the fact that I can't have a pan of brownies and cry with Karin until I feel better...
Oddly, amongst this, I had the MOST fantastic day in clinic: I scored 93% on my radiographs and completed a moderately hard patient in 80 mins with no errors. Even my instructor tried to sway me from having a final today. I KNEW, for the first time in all my time there, that I had rocked it. Never had I been so sure. Even she was surprised that I got it done; and even more so when I got a 100% on the prophy (teeth cleaning). The high was short lived, but I was truly thrilled. I know you don't know what any of that means, but trust me, it is pretty cool.
What to do.. I know I need to have a big cry and let the pressure off the cooker, buck up, put on my big girl panties and just deal. But for whatever reason, I'm not allowing that. Maybe just venting here a bit will help...some.
I didn't come here for pity; I came here to sort my thoughts.
posted by Traci @ 10:37 PM
1 Comments:
At 10:46 PM,
Traci said…
Seriously, some of us DO know what that means... radiographs, prophy,
etc etc. totally words I LOVE to hear and don't get nearly enough of
Psuedo diagnosed my second abcess today. With fistula. Oh, yeah.
Good friends who have tooth pain will let you do a truly limited oral exam with Purell and some lovin'. I love to be in mouths!
AND you should know I was right on both diagnoses.
Okay, so enough about me. I have to tell you, you are my inspiration. Who else could move halfway across the country, keep the kids and school and house and cars and boys and and and all those balls up in the air, not
drop any of them, and rock it so hard?!? Of course you are going to pass your boards. You will come through with flying colors. I know it. Because that is where I get my faith in all things dental. I have my nursing
friends and I have my You. You are my dental friend (besides more co-assistants).
And now I will go but you need to know I love you and I think of you
almost daily. You are the bestest. You know that. Just need to find it again. (And I'm sure you've done so already before reading this but you know
what I mean. Save it for next time, I guess).
SMOOCHES!!! kiss the kids and yourself. and HUGS!!!!
Holly
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